i don't like sucking hair
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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