So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wear drunk well.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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