I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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