the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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