Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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