plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize