everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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