Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You smell like stripper and shame
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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