I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize