ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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