I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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