well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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