No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Randomize