This is not my ceiling
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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