btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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