Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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