I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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