At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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