Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize