I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize