final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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