If that was your dad, he is hot
She said her name was "party"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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