I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize