Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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