I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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