I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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