I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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