I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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