if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize