On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
