I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
