Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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