seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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