What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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