The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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