i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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