3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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