the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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