New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize