People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's shark week go big or go home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize