Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize