you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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