woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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