i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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