The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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