One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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