I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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