Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize