Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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