I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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