I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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