I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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